As I sit hear and ponder the year ahead.
I wonder about making a New Years resolution. It is at this time of year everyone wonders what the year will hold and how can I make it better. I’ll start to exercise, I will walk more, I will take dance lessons. Maybe I should take a college or university course. Yes that would help me. I will try to be more social. Yes this is what many people think at this time of year. Some people will even put the wheels in motion to make this happen.
Yes I want to do it all and more. I really want to spend quality time with the family. I do realize that this may not be achieved as my kids work, the grand kids are in school, some of them are out of the province. Yes I want what every one else wants.
Then I have to take a step back and ask myself are these realistic goals are they achievable. For most people, yes these are simple goals but for me and many others like me, we may be challenged to achieve these. You see I have early onset Alzheimer’s at this stage in the disease I can still do things. Or at least, that is what I think. If you speak to my husband,I think you would receive a much different answer. You see I look at things from today and what can I accomplish today. They see the old me, they see the decline. They see the mistakes that the old me would not have made. They see the apathy I have now, not the energetic me I once was. They see the confusion in my face when what they said doesn’t register.
You see I live well in the moment, I accept what will be. You see I know I will decline it is just a matter of time. Later today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year? Yes it will come I just don’t know when but until then I will enjoy the moment. So what is my New Years resolution, it is to live in the moment and enjoy life.
For you see, I don’t know how long I have to remember it or how soon the me, I once was, will change to the withdrawn, unable to communicate and unable to recognize my family.
So I will live next year in the moment, doing what I still can well I still can.
Happy new year
Phyllis Fehr Copyright 2016
Phyllis’ index for blog pages is at https://truthfulkindness.com/index-persons-with-dementia-pwd/pcf/thoughts-new-year/
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