Adjusting to Change

Harry is one of my primary mentors.
His example is a motivator
for taking time and energy to write my own blog,
and the many hours I spend to share the writing of others.

Below are 7 days out of Harry’s blog during March 2018:

Change

Do you get lost when you take a walk,
I do?

I’m not sure if is my Alzheimer’s
or the fact the neighborhood is changing so much.

Everywhere you look, it seems different.
Between the time change and the neighborhood changing,
my world is being turned upside down.

I don’t get out much during the winter months
so when the weather breaks,
I seem to walk out into another world.

A simple thing like someone cutting down a tree makes so much of a difference to me.

I see the trees budding
and leaves beginning to start
which means I will soon be able to play out in the yard
and welcome back my bench.

It is still in the 40’s
but I feel Spring in my old bones.
(2018 Mar 13)

Worn-out Warrior

Some days I feel like a worn-out warrior
who just wants to live in peace.

I’ve run out of ideas
trying to tell people that living with dementia is not a death sentence.

I tried to lead by example
by showing
after 14 years of a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s,
you can live an enjoyable life,

but it seems to me like we are still fighting the same battles.

I realize that myths and stigmas are hard to break,
but I do think we made advances.
I believe this war I am fighting will last my lifetime
and no ceasefire is in sight.

I now spend most of my time tending to the casualties of dementia
and less time on the politics of dementia.

Walking in the shadows is my calling
and one I accept.

I no longer need to be the voice,
only someone to lean on.
(2018 Mar 08)

When Two Worlds Collide

What happens when two worlds collide,

we see it every day.
The world of dementia is always colliding with your world …

I no longer understand your world
and you have little knowledge of mine.

My dementia makes it impossible to return to your world

so if you want to visit me,
you need to understand a little about it.

My life is a lot slower
and I don’t get excited about every little bump in the road.

I must face the big ones and have little concern about the rest,
hence the statement, you don’t care about anything anymore.

Again, you are trying to make me live in your world
and I can’t.

Personally, I love my world.
I feel safe and not judged.
No one is trying to fix me because
it is what it is.

Both worlds are great if you understand them.

We won’t make you act like you have dementia,
if you don’t try to make us act like you.

Enjoy your visit
knowing we are different.
(2018 Mar 11)

Closing Window of Time

So many dreams
but the hounds are nipping at my heels

and I often wonder if there is enough time left.

I realize that
living with dementia
the window is ever so slowly closing on my dreams
and drives me to pursue them.

…

I am walking toward a better life
and don’t need to justify my beliefs.

I love the life I am living,
walking hand in hand with the people I love.
(2018 Mar 01)

Adjusting

I’m not giving you a hard time,

I’m just trying to adjust to my new life.

The fears of the unknown
and learning my new limitations
becomes upsetting
to the point of me having to express my emotions.

It is hard for you to watch me

…

but harder for me because I’m living it.

Understanding and patience can make this transition easier for all of us.

I may forget to pick up my socks or give you that traditional morning kiss,
but that doesn’t mean I no longer love you or I’m getting lazy.

It may mean I am fighting the battle for my life
and my thoughts are elsewhere.

Don’t assume you know my actions
until you understand them.
(2018 Mar 16)

When we get our Wings

Miss me

but let me go.

We try to prepare our care partners
for the day when we are set free from the horrible grip of dementia
and get our wings.

You don’t listen to us
because it is too painful for you.

We just ask you to remember us and
look up and share a smile with us.
(2018 Mar 06)

Just Like Me (peer relationships)

Where the boys are,
brought back my boyhood days
while listening to Connie Francis singing it this morning.

It is funny how music can bring back memories in an instant.
The oldies of the 50’s have me reliving the days of the horse drawn milk wagon
and of course the ice man.

I grow up poor,
like everyone else,
but I seemed to not remember how we struggled
because everyone else was like me.

We never consider ourselves poor.
We were so happy to go to the penny candy store.

Now living with Alzheimer’s,
I don’t think I have a terminal incurable disease,
once again I am surrounded by people
just like me.

To the outsider they think it is so terrible living with dementia,
but they don’t realize the friendships we make
and the support we give each other.

Just like when I was a kid,
we never knew we were poor,

today I can still face the world
and all the turmoil around me,
even living with dementia.
(2018 Mar 24)

Harry playing with photo programs ((smile))

* . * . *

Above is excerpted with his permission, from Harry’s blog at >> http://mythoughtsondementia.com/blog.html

His Index of pages on my blog is at >> https://truthfulkindness.com/index-persons-with-dementia-pwd/harry-urban/

Photo is of Harry’s craft project finished 11 Jan 2018.

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