Aug 2015 posted by my friend Barry Pankhurst:
Barry Pankhurst Here is one that I wrote Truthful about the loneliness “The loneliness and Utter Isolation within Dementia”
I know we all say the same thing in that “You’re never alone with this illness” which is true in respect of the number of people worldwide that have some type of dementia… ‘But’ it’s what I call the ‘Myself-Loneliness’ that can really drag me down to the pits of the earth and lose all my faith and fight for life…
Some day’s I will just sit on the terrace or sit motionless gazing out the window utterly lost in my own little world completely oblivious as to what’s going on around me as my mind has turned into a desolate wilderness of none-awareness, I sit gazing across the fields watching people working yet nothing is registering in my brain they just become hazy images… people can pass by me calling out ‘Hello Mr. Barry’ but again nothing registers in the brain their words just fall upon fallow ground… my dear wife Sumi might be speaking to me but she’s talking to an empty shell as I have no awareness of what she is saying… it gives you the feeling of almost like fading away from all your familiar surroundings with the vision of life before your eyes turning into a misty maze until you return to reality with a sudden jolt, other times I feel as though I’m standing on the edge of a precipice that’s trying to pull me in and any will to fight back against it to pull you back from the brink has gone, it’s got nothing to do with daydreaming, depression or anxiety, it’s just the utter loneliness and isolation of the illness at that moment in time that you can experience within the illness which is extremely difficult to explain to people.
Some days I sit at the computer with all good intentions of typing but the words just won’t come into my brain so I sit gazing at the monitor lost in my own little world of non-awareness as to what’s happening, Sumi might say to me (What are you doing, or typing) and I normally reply “I haven’t got a clue”
Some might say “You must fight against it” but how can you fight against something when you’re oblivious to it happening… or that is until you’re told about it… and it’s something that can become more frequent as the illness progresses… yet even though you try to prepare yourself mentally for when it happens again there is nothing you can do to prevent it from occurring… we are all fighting against an invisible foe that yields no remorse within the illness or the: “Myself-Loneliness and Isolation”
This was also posted at http://www.dementiamentors.org on August 11, 2015 (( smile ))
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