I Am Lonely

Alone in my thoughts — without expression.
I had expression when John was here.
I could talk to him about almost anything.
Why?

I talk to my husband but it’s not the same;
he’s not really open to my thoughts.
I still have to consider; will he accept this thought?
Maybe I’d better re-phrase it.
… Maybe I’d better not say it.

Julie is the only other person I could have SUCH an open relationship with.
When she was here I knew that no matter what I said,
she might get mad, but she would always, always accept me;
as the person I am.

It was the same with John.
Now I’m alone …
… again.

…   ***   …   ***   …

I’m Sorry, Mom

It seems I’m just spilling all over you.

Sometimes when I’m speaking
the muscles of your body tense
and scream at me,
“No.  Don’t tell me; I don’t want to hear this.”
… but I go right on talking.

Usually, when that happened in the past, I’d stop.
… like with John and the subject of G0d; I’d stop.

But Mom, this time I can’t;
There isn’t anyone else, and I can’t put THAT on paper!

Oh dear; It’s coming out;
like the feeling of vomit being pushed out of your stomach.
I can’t stop.

I’m sorry.
— Written and illustrated by Belinda.
1989 – March

…  Previous page = “Damn, It Hurts !”

at  https://truthfulkindness.com/bnp/part-2/2e/1989-feb-damn-it-hurts/

…

Next page = 1990 “What am I Leaving”

* Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. If interested in receiving notice of future blog postings, subscriptions are available through a “follow” button in the upper left corner (MS Explorer) or lower right (Safari, Mozilla Firefox and Chrome). If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My current clinical diagnosis is Mild Cognitive Impairment but this page was written and illustrated by me.  Written in March of 1989, before I had dementia symptoms, but when I was working thru many grief issues.  Copyright on that date.

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