to Go HOME

Posted on March 7, 2021 by truthfulkindness

Tru here.

Usually if we say we want to go home it is because we need comfort of some type.

For almost all of us,
“Mommy” and/or “Home” are synonymous with comfort.
So YOU as care-partner need to become the detective
to find out what is uncomfortable in current situation,
because we probably cannot tell you.

Remember, for us there is no such thing as “background” noise,
because our brain has lost the ability to prioritize sound.
So is there too much noise or movement
(both of which literally “scatters” our ability to focus and think)?
For many of us, we are losing the ability to connect cause with effect,
so we may be hungry, cold, thirsty, or in pain
— without being able to connect those things in a cognitive way.
Wrote about this at Cause and Effect at https://truthfulkindness.com/2014/12/28/recent-disconnect-from-understanding-source-of-dissatisfaction/ ;

For ME putting up a “You are Home” picture would not be helpful. (probably partly because “home” means different things at different times).
If i am thinking of myself as a young mother, it was either Washington, Italy, or Oregon.
If i am younger than that, in my self-recognition, then it is undoubtedly one of several places in Oregon.

But part of wanting to go home is wanting the PEOPLE of “home”;
Daddy and Momma, Julie, Michelle, or Spencer
… and the ANIMALS and ACTIVITIES of home.

For Grammy, Mom put photos of everyone from many years ago (as well as current-time) on the fridge, and on the wall by the bathroom.

. . .

…

At our house, we now have a dedicated wall by the bathroom that my husband has posted a full-wall corkboard.
Doesn’t have many photos yet, but it has the menu from restaurant party when we announced our engagement 30yrs ago.
That wall will be my VISUAL assurance that i am “home”.

Audio assurance might be one or two of the songs in my “favorites” list
— depending on WHY they are favorites
(and that is why i think it is important to include the reasons songs or movies are listed in “favorites”).

For ME, living with wood heat most of my life,
the sight sound and smell of a fire means i am finally secure and at home.

If You are living with dementia,
it might be good to think of what elements make a place “home” for you?

If you are a Loved One,
then now is the time to start gathering those things,
and preparing for the time you hear the request
“i want to go home”.

.
LINKS:

Suggestions from Valerie Feurich (with Teepa Snow) at https://teepasnow.com/blog/how-to-calm-a-person-living-with-dementia-who-is-wanting-to-go-home/ ;

. ;

.* Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Subscribe “FOLLOW” button is at the very bottom of the page, with “Category” Links, “Recent Posts” and “Archive”. If you put your eMail address there you should get an eMail each time i write a blog entry. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. … *** … If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My current diagnosis is still Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”. Text Copyright © Truthful L. Kindness on 07Mar2021. 5hrs invested in text, plus 13hrs invested in graphic, LOL. Tags: alzheimers, caregiver, comfort, dementia, home, person with dementia, PLwD, strategy, symptoms, to go home . . #dementia #comfort .

TP and Dementia

Posted on February 28, 2021 by truthfulkindness

Tru here.

i have answered this question enough times that i decided to just make a page for it;

Why do folks with
mid-to-late stages of dementia
put their toilet paper everywhere EXCEPT for in the toilet?

My most-probable-theory is that she is reverting to her youth,
when it is likely the toilet paper was burned instead of put in toilet.

.
In many cultures the toilet paper is not to go in the toilet (even current-day).
Like my mother, it is possible that during her formative years she used an outHouse
(and in fact we used an outhouse during visits at my grandParent’s house until the late 1970s when a toilet was installed).

My grandfather insisted that he had been “Housebroken” as a youngster;
he thought it was terrifically gross to have a toilet too close to the living space,
let alone actually INSIDE the house.

.
Even if they had an actual toilet in your mother’s formative years
Maybe her family had complications with toilet septic tank and needed to make sure it did not get too full.
or simply because the toilet-flushing mechanism was in a perpetual state of not-working when she was young.

Whatever the reason, these issues were common in previous generations …
and when she is having more cognitive problems (especially in afternoon and evening) …
then she is likely to revert to childhood patterns in her storage of toilet paper.

i suspect that if i was care-partner, and we were dealing with this symptom in my home,
i would probably suggest one of those diaper pails beside the toilet,
with a simple easy-open lid (not the floor-pedal to open the lid).
… but it would need to be a different color than floor, toilet, or any nearby walls
(otherwise it would “disappear” from her sight due to lack of depth-perception).
Then husband would probably make a short shelf above it
to hold spare Toilet Paper,
so that the dispenser is visually associated with the toilet paper.

Links:

Might check other Links in “hygiene” section of this page >> https://truthfulkindness.com/about/d-info/links-sx-strategies/ .

* Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Subscribe “FOLLOW” button is at the very bottom of the page, with “Category” Links, “Recent Posts” and “Archive”. If you put your eMail address there you should get an eMail each time i write a blog entry. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. … *** … If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My current diagnosis is still Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”. Text Copyright © Truthful L. Kindness on 28Feb2021. Photo for Featured graphic was taken by my son Brad Davis at my Grandparent’s house, which is now where my mother lives. Tags: alzheimers, caregiver, dementia, hygiene, symptoms, toilet, toilet paper. . #dementia #toiletpaper .

Feb Pages

Posted on February 25, 2021 by truthfulkindness

Pages added in February.

!! Remember, Links are in colored text, not the pictures !!

Right-click on colored text and selecting “open in new tab”,
will allow you to return to this tab easily (at top of window) when you finish.
Remember, Links are in colored text, NOT the pictures.

.—————————————————————————————–.

. Admin Pages are below.

Affiliations/Dementia Chats at https://truthfulkindness.com/about/about-me/tlk-affiliations/dementia-chats/ ;

Links about Driving with Dementia at https://truthfulkindness.com/about/d-info/links-sx-strategies/driving/ ;

.—————————————————————————————–.

Dementia Symptom Perspectives’ Pages:

Harry Urban/ a “White Flower” at https://truthfulkindness.com/index-persons-with-dementia-pwd/harry-urban/wte-flwr/ ‎;

Susan Suchan on Advocacy at https://truthfulkindness.com/index-persons-with-dementia-pwd/susan-suchan/advocacy/ ;

Graphic is Simple version of my PaisleyHearts picture copyright Truthful Kindness on 04Feb2021. Posted 25Feb2021.

Repeat Questions

Posted on February 21, 2021 by truthfulkindness

Tru here.

My personal short-term VISUAL understanding is much much better than my VERBAL understanding (for words), so …

When I ask the same question multiple times,
then my husband makes the answer into a picture, and
puts that picture on my workdesk
so that every time I get distracted and look up … I see the answer.

In your case,
My husband probably would have made a “shopping list” on 3×5 card — with “curtains” in big letters with a DRAWING (because when scattered i understand pictures much better than words).
He would have asked me to hold the shopping list until we get to the store.
That would put the picture in front of me every time i thought of asking. (However, he would also add a couple other things like maybe “hooks” on the list so that it actually looked like a “real” list, so that i did not feel patronized).
He is creative like that ((smile))

General Communication Tips:

a) My personal verbal short-term memory is severely impaired so don’t expect me to remember ANYTHING that you tell me (even for five minutes)!
b) Use shorter sentences than usual; with less extra phrases I am more likely to remember the subject, object, and verb in order to connect the sentence. I am NOT stupid; I understand each word individually, but have difficulty connecting them as concepts.
c) Minimize descriptive monologues or conditional clauses. (I may get the “if” part, but by the time you get to the “then” part I have lost the “if” entirely.)
d) Please wait short pause after each sentence for me to “compute” your words, then you can resume speaking for the next sentence. The time necessary between sentences may change from day to day or even moment-to-moment (especially true with Lewy Body Dementia).

g) Really I am not purposely developing dementia in order to grow your “patience quotient” — it is just a side-benefit for all concerned. ((big smile)) … And the coup-de-gras; please allow me to interrupt if I raise my hand, because otherwise the thought will be forever lost.

If I ask you the same question multiple times there is a good chance that for some reason the answer did not “register”.
This may be because your answer did not address whatever concern caused the question to start with.
You need to be a detective; look for something that maybe you did NOT answer earlier. An example might be if the question is a matter of calendaring then maybe my concern is another event I think may conflict with this, and it might be helpful to visually compare the events on calendar. … or i might be worried about something that is to occur during this scheduled event (doctor appointment).

If I asked a question and your answer was “I don’t know”,
then I can almost guarantee I will not remember your answer
so I suggest you just write it down now, BEFORE I ask you five times.
LOL to my husband!
How could you (the awesome answer man) NOT know the answer??
— Of course that does not compute!!

. * Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Subscribe “FOLLOW” button is at the very bottom of the page, with “Category” Links, “Recent Posts” and “Archive”. If you put your eMail address there you should get an eMail each time i write a blog entry. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. … *** … If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My current diagnosis is still Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”. Text Copyright © Truthful L. Kindness on 21Feb2021. “General Communication Tips” were originally in entry at >> https://truthfulkindness.com/2014/08/16/commun-early/, then invested an additional 8hrs on text. Featured graphic Red Stage Curtains graphic was created by Open ClipArt on PixaBay. Removed background and added several Layers of “Little Bird” font. Tags: alzheimers, caregiver, communication, dementia, question, relationship, strategy. #dementia #caregiver .

Partnership Communication: Distress and DisComfort

Posted on February 14, 2021 by truthfulkindness

Tru here
hoping to provide insight on communication Symptoms;

PARTNERSHIP Communication

… If she is quiet around others, but mumbling and grumbling (or moaning and groaning) around you,
my guess would be that it is because she is most closely attached to YOU !
There are degrees of transparency.

i consciously express positives;
i am always looking for positive aspects, blessings, and sources of gratitude.
i rarely express much negatives, but
… When my husband is around then i am much more likely to ALSO express the negatives of life.
Those expressions just come out of my mouth totally involuntarily (and surprise me).

Our PARTNERSHIP means he is part of me, and i am part of him.
(just as your mother is part of you – and you are part of her)

DISTRESS AND DISCOMFORT

Realize that some pain and discomfort are very VERY difficult to identify and/or put into words.

If you and doctor have not been able to come up with medical reason for uncomfortable sounds she is making, then you might want to look at her surroundings;
are there “background” sounds that might be intensifying her confusion and discomfort ?
((for us there is no such thing as “background” sound;
any sounds from TV, radio, etc often overpower emotional calm)) .

Does she get bright light or visual movement that might create discomfort ??
Are sore muscles or joints “flaring” ??
Maybe she has the beginnings of a UTI, … or even mouth pain ???
(i have known people who have had UTI or similar infections that masked even pain of cancer
– but still person with dementia was unable to recognize the neurological signals as “pain”.)

Sometimes i RECOGNIZE that i am uncomfortable or more confused, … then i can voice my discomfort.

But there are other times when i do not recognize that i am uncomfortable or more confused;
something is just WRONG … and i definitely do not know why.

But eventually i will see something;
i will see a mug, or a sandwich, or a blanket.
… and THEN i realize
i am thirsty,
or i am hungry,
or i am chilly.
— Our mind does not readily connect cause and effect any more.

Links:

Cause and Effect at https://truthfulkindness.com/2014/12/28/recent-disconnect-from-understanding-source-of-dissatisfaction/ ;

. * Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Subscribe “FOLLOW” button is at the very bottom of the page, with “Category” Links, “Recent Posts” and “Archive”. If you put your eMail address there you should get an eMail each time i write a blog entry. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. … *** … If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My current diagnosis is still Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”. Text Copyright © Truthful L. Kindness on 14Feb2021. invested 15hrs over 6 weeks (began 03Jan but WordPresswouldnt adjust date so needed to copy/paste for a new entry) … plus 7hrs on graphic. Featured graphic Began with bird stencil from ChipLanay on PixaBay, then added pic of crackled mud from Pexels on PixaBay, then created edging and changed some color hues. Tags: alzheimers, caregiver, communication, dementia, discomfort, distress, nonverbal, pain, relationship, symptoms, talk.

Friends don’t Lie … but …

Posted on February 7, 2021 by truthfulkindness

February is all about RELATIONSHIP, and Communication is crucial to relationship.

Tru here.
Truth is crucial to my relationships, (as you can imagine – given my name).
Many of my friends feel the same.
i think very often the person with dementia is not sure whether you are telling the truth or not,
but lying can create emotional barriers that were not there before.

i need to be able to trust you.
So please try to find a creative solution that does not require lying,
but also avoids the constant breaking-open of old grief.

Please Do not lie to me, but it is okay to VALIDATE then RE-DIRECT

Retired Dr Jennifer Bute suggests that when she time-travels and asks for her husband, care-providers are not to lie, but remind her using words like “… he was often away in Africa” … then encourage her to talk about special times with her husband.

From what i hear,
After a few minutes of talking about her husband, she is likely to remember that he has died on her own
without the huge traumatic element of surprise.

Naomi Feil is an American gerontologist who developed Validation therapy.

Please Do not lie to me, but it is okay to VALIDATE then RE-DIRECT . i have always been a “Daddy’s girl”. If i am asking where my father is, you might say “Fathers are so very important. i dont believe i have met your dad — could you tell me about him”. “What are some of your favorite times with him?” … “i heard your dad taught ballroom dance, what was your favorite dance?” (it was the Latin dances like Samba and Tango, LOL). Then quickly re-focus to “Let’s see if we can find a picture”, or “what does it feel like to dance?”
i suspect that to successfully Re-Direct you will need to have a relationship with me that is thorough enough to understand what motivates me, and predict my most probable response. Personally, I very much want to supply needs for others, so if a new care-provider is coming, I might suggest that you tell me “Emily would like to learn more about dementia, so she will be spending some time here this WEEK” (without mentioning any further time than that, unless it is a relief to me instead of stressor). Let me be a PARTNER in my care, as much as possible, and it would be great if “Emily” really IS interested in learning about dementia. — There are times that i have forgotten i have dementia symptoms, in which case she can be interested in learning something else that i have knowledge of — maybe Service Dogs, or card-making.
Then immediately distract me with other things, so that i do not dwell on the future.

How do carers FIND OUT about another person, as foundation for relationship??
Finding out about ME can be done at these pages, — and might give some ideas for similar projects for others:

About Me at https://truthfulkindness.com/about/about-me/ ;

My Favorite Things at https://truthfulkindness.com/about/about-me/favorites/ ; and

Bits ‘n’ Pieces Memoirs at https://truthfulkindness.com/bnp/ ;

… and even Family History at https://truthfulkindness.com/about/life-other/family-history-index/ ;

Links:

Vid by Richard Taylor “Please Dont Lie to Me” at https://vimeo.com/95520334 ;

Retired Dr Jennifer Bute’s website at http://www.gloriousopportunity.org/ ;

not PLwD: Validation Therapy by Naomi Feil at https://youtu.be/ESqfW_kyZq8 ;

not PLwD: “Where is Joe” by Psychologist Amanda Mullen (with Teepa Snow project) at https://teepasnow.com/blog/where-is-joe-vital-tools-for-coping-with-sundowning/ ;

. * Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Subscribe “FOLLOW” button is at the very bottom of the page, with “Category” Links, “Recent Posts” and “Archive”. If you put your eMail address there you should get an eMail each time i write a blog entry. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. … *** … If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My current diagnosis is still Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”. Text Copyright © Truthful L. Kindness on 07Feb2021. invested 7hrs on text, and over10hrs on graphic. Tags: alz, communication, dementia, distress, fib, persons living with dementia, PLwD, relationship, strategy, talk, therapeutic lie, truth.

Fear as Cause of Anger in dementia

Posted on January 31, 2021 by truthfulkindness

Tru here answering a question:

i think FEAR is the source of much frustration and anger with beginning dementia symptoms. ((But i acknowledge that fear is not the cause of all anger in dementia — more for some than others)).

.
These can be some of the sources of fear.

Control: Everything feels out-of-control — and especially out of “my” control.
((i think The more a person “needed” control of their environment before dementia hits, that creates stronger panic when things are out of their personal control — control has been a coping strategy to keep “sane”, and now it is gone)).
Employment: Many workers “fear” retirement, because it means we are no longer “producing”. When a person is forced out of employment due to a “dementia” diagnosis, the anxiety is ever-so-much more intense. We lose income. Usually we lose the friendships from workplace. We fade from social structure. We face crisis.
No Therapy or hope is given at point of diagnosis.
It feels like this is the end and we feel set adrift.
Dependency: We WILL lose our license to drive (or have already lost it), and driving in most cultures is associated with adulthood and independence.
it FEELS like our adulthood is now in question.
Our Abilities are decreasing, and we are becoming so ** bleeping** DEPENDANT on others and on circumstance. ((And what happens when those “others” have their own plans and needs??))
Finances: Usually, We have no income of our own; until Social Security or Retirement kick in, we have no “ownership” of funds to purchase what we might need …
or what we want to give to others. my condition of Social Security funds was that the funds must go to someone else, who will control the money.
((Our days of giving gifts as an individual –from “me”– are now gone, because it is actually someone else’s money)).
Anticipatory Panic: We hear the bleak outlook from caregivers about what other people with dementia do in middle-and-late stages, causing caregiver burden and suffering; and we picture ourselves being the cause of that suffering, in the future.
What can we do to prevent our loved ones feeling this suffering and BURDEN?
This can be a very strong source of panic and fear, triggering thoughts of suicide.

Add possible effects of stigma, and you can see how fear is almost a very reasonable response. — With Anger as a reasonable extension of fear (adrenalin says to escape or attack).

Strategies:

i think THE major contributing factor can be how each individual deals with GRIEF.
if he has not yet accepted diagnosis, begun the grieving process (which often involves ANGER) and decided to find the good in life that remains … then that is probably where he is now.
Wrote about this at https://truthfulkindness.com/2017/04/21/pwd-grieve2accept-dx-purpose/ ;

Finding peers with dementia can be a big step in dealing productively with grief adjustment, and there are many groups for persons living with dementia.
at young age, he can probably still text well, so there is “Living Healthy with Early Onset”, “Just for Early Onset”, etc.
For video chat, i am very partial to https://www.dementiamentors.org/ .

Personally i suggest avoiding too much contact in caregiver groups, because the constant talk of future (later-stage) symptoms can be very discouraging. We want to help, but must keep these things in BALANCE to avoid over-exposure to anticipatory grief which is dis-Abling.

i avoid focus on things over which i have no control (like politics and finances). i use journaling (whether text or pictures) to keep perspective that not ALL days are bad days — because fear can take over when i feel like time is running out, and all the good days are gone.

With these tools, it is much easier to deal with the grief in healthy ways. Remember neither of you are alone in this.

.LINKS on Anger and Fear:

Alzheimer’s Anger by Missy at https://truthfulkindness.com/index-persons-with-dementia-pwd/missy/alzheimers-anger/ ;

Uncontrollable Fury by Harry Urban at https://truthfulkindness.com/index-persons-with-dementia-pwd/harry-urban/uncontrollable-fury/ ;

Fear of being a burden by retired doctor David Hilfiker at https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/On-Being-a-Burden-186064.htm ;

Fear from Clinical outlook and “prognosis” by Susan Suchan at https://alzauthors.com/2017/02/14/meet-blogger-susan-suchan-this-disease-does-not-come-with-an-instruction-manual/ ;

Anger at interruption by Cindy Odell at https://ftdnoflowers.blogspot.com/2018/01/mood-swings-anger-and-frustration.html ;

Mike Belleville and Brian LeBlanc vid on anger, family, and relationships at https://youtu.be/psHl3gcnArU ;

1-hr “Dementia Chats” on Anger at https://youtu.be/7r1aD0CkgjY ;

. * Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Subscribe “FOLLOW” button is at the very bottom of the page, with “Category” Links, “Recent Posts” and “Archive”. If you put your eMail address there you should get an eMail each time i write a blog entry. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. … *** … If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My current diagnosis is still Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”. Text Copyright © Truthful L. Kindness on 31Jan2021. invested more than 10hrs beginning 13Jan2021, but messd up and needed to copy/paste to new entry. Cat picture from FreePhotosArt on PixaBay. Tags: alzheimers, anger, communication, dementia, fear, persons living with dementia, PLwD, relationship, strategy, symptoms

January Pages

Posted on January 28, 2021 by truthfulkindness

Thanks to Theresa Montgomery, Jennifer Bute, Janice Swink, and Harry Urban for allowing their projects to be included.

!! Remember, Links are on colored text, not the pictures !!

Right-click on colored text and selecting “open in new tab”,
will allow you to return to this tab easily (at top of window) when you finish.
Remember, Links are on colored text, NOT the pictures.

.—————————————————————————————–.

. Admin Pages are below.

Revision of “About my Blog” at https://truthfulkindness.com/about/blog-mailrm/ ;

Links about Driving with Dementia at https://truthfulkindness.com/about/d-info/links-sx-strategies/driving/ ;

..—————————————————————————————–.

Dementia Symptom Perspectives Pages:

“Joy” by Theresa Montgomery at https://truthfulkindness.com/index-persons-with-dementia-pwd/theresa-montgomery/joy/ ; #dementia #inspiration #joy .

“Resource Reminders” by retired Dr Jennifer Bute at https://truthfulkindness.com/index-persons-with-dementia-pwd/jennifer-bute/resource-reminders/ ; #dementia #reminders .

“Fan the Fire” by Janice Swink at https://truthfulkindness.com/index-persons-with-dementia-pwd/pages-by-janice-swink/fan-fire/ ; #dementia #diagnosis #persistence .

Harry’s Apple Cart at https://truthfulkindness.com/index-persons-with-dementia-pwd/harry-urban/apple-cart/ ; #dementia #persistence #control .

..—————————————————————————————–.

Family History Pages:

Petrin/Operation Greenhouse at https://truthfulkindness.com/about/life-other/family-history-index/rap-grnhs/ ;

. * Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Subscribe “FOLLOW” button is at the very bottom of the page, with “Category” Links, “Recent Posts” and “Archive”. If you put your eMail address there you should get an eMail each time i write a blog entry. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. … *** … If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My current diagnosis is still Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”. Text Copyright © Truthful L. Kindness on 28Jan2021. January SnowFlake “embroidered-Look” graphic begun 15Jan2021 and finished 26Jan2021. Tags:

When Confusion Overwhelms Communication

Posted on January 23, 2021 by truthfulkindness

Tru here answering a question.

i would not TRY to reason with her on bad days.

.
… i dont suggest trying to reason with ME on bad days,
because it just makes me frustrated at myself since i cannot fully understand you,
and frustrated at YOU because you are not accepting me where i am at.

Instead it feels like you are trying to make me “better”
like i was before (and will never be again)

IF situation allows, suggest first a touch contact (such as hand-touch or a hug),
then distraction; a break in task.
Take some time to do something relaxing with her; perhaps coloring, or a few minutes of music, etc .

If she is a person that enjoys it, singing is wonderful.
Not only does singing involve rhythm and notes,
but using our voice to actively sing adds another important stress-reducer;
the need for deep breathing while singing triggers very beneficial stuff in the brain.
Three deep breaths can re-boot functions in the brain,
and give more positive feelings about life. …

After a song i would avoid more complicated topics, or even simple topics that require consecutive thought, or comparison-thought … probably for remainder of day.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Comparison requires more than one thing stay in my brain, while another is being compared.
Consecutive thought requires step 1,2,3 in thought process, which also requires more than one thing to stay in my brain. Both are getting difficult for me. When those types of thought are necessary, then having visual aids (ie pictures to illustrate what is said) is VERY helpful for me to grasp what is said.

It is very important that as many interactions as possible are ending on a positive note.
Use an enjoyable activity or engagement after stressful situation, in order to leave it as a positive.
Maybe it is just a cookie, cup of tea, or watching birds outside the window that emphasize a “high” note in the relationship/situation.

Remember, specific circumstances are rarely remembered,
but the feelings remain for quite a while.

COMMUNICATION Links:

Part 3 on Communication at https://truthfulkindness.com/2019/10/20/verbal-comprehension-strategies-3/ ;

Conversational Word-Sentences at https://truthfulkindness.com/2020/10/18/wordsentences/ ;

Bad Day indicators and suggestions at https://truthfulkindness.com/2018/04/09/bad-day-indicators-suggestions/ ;

. * Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Subscribe “FOLLOW” button is at the very bottom of the page, with “Category” Links, “Recent Posts” and “Archive”. If you put your eMail address there you should get an eMail each time i write a blog entry. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. … *** … If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My current diagnosis is still Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”. Text Copyright © Truthful L. Kindness on 24Jan2021. invested 6hrs. Bird picture copyright by aitoff on PixaBay. Tags: alzheimers, communication, comparison, consecutive, dementia, persons living with dementia, PLwD, relationship, strategy, symptom, talk