This entry is written by Truthful Loving Kindness (yes, that is my full legal name) for publishing at http://www.truthfulkindness.com , so PLEASE address any questions or comments to that website, regardless of which website shows these words. 

Feels like my INTERNAL Landscape is losing its Landmarks (aka anchors). 
The happenings of life are overcome with Shades of gray and there is nothing to orient myself.  The convoluted nature of everything from fact to fiction is very confusing for me now.  And “change” is equivalent to earthquake.

in fiction stories or news stories, i NEED something to identify the “good guys” from the “bad guys”; i need some kind of orientation or pattern in order to process what is happening.  but instead everything is just kind-of … gray. 

Mostly i am now sticking with stories and films that i have seen and enjoyed in the past; which gives me a framework for watching the story again.  if i have only watched it a couple times then i need husband nearby for when i ask “is that person a good guy?”.  There is comfort in watching a show or reading a story that has familiar characters — then i am no longer relying on my fast-disappearing short-term memory in order to orient in the story. 

Repetition and pattern is crucial in my life, because it promotes stability and orientation.

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Please do not move my belongings, because those items are not un-necessary, even IF everything in that stack was actually “useless” (which it is NOT).  That stack is a Landmark for where i find the tools that i use.  It is needed as a Landmark.  My mind-picture of that “pile of junk” is what i go past, then immediately turn right in order to find the mind-picture of the tool i am Looking for.  When that pile changes in height, width, shapes and colors, then i cannot find my tool that belongs just to the right of that stack.  … it gives me orientation in the gray mass of physical Landscape.

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i cannot seem to keep anything organized in my mind, and i am almost frantic for consistency and dependability. 
My world is a sea of swirling change in my abilities and perceptions.

so it is no surprise that i FEEL more clingy… i dont recognize the way you LOOK, but as long as you are doing the things that my husband does, or talking, then i recognize you are my husband.
— You are my anchor; you are a known quantity and i rely on you not only for food and love, but for keeping my world as stable as possible.

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Links:

Frosty and Fragile” by Truthful Kindness at >>  https://truthfulkindness.com/2019/01/28/frosty-and-fragile/ ; and https://truthfulkindness.com/2014/11/07/hold-hand-anchor-me/ written 13Sep2012;

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… For early-to-moderate stages i have gathered LINKS for dementia symptoms and Strategies (alphabetized) at >> https://truthfulkindness.com/about/d-info/links-sx-strategies/.  

. For more advanced stages Teepa Snow has excellent series called “Making Visits Valuable” beginning at >> … and Listing at https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2E2lPBsUeBjA1Utglo8q6yANAijEf8cX .

* Admin issues:

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Tags: alzheimers, confusion, dementia, mood, pattern, person with dementia, PLwD, routine, symptoms, strategy.  S&S categ: confusion, home, planning, routine.

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