Privacy, Secrets, and My Dementia Symptoms

616 Blog secrets 4in200ppiTru here.  Remember, I can ONLY speak for myself.  Each person needs to decide for themselves on issues like this.  I will be discontinuing the “private” support groups I am member of.  It is just too difficult for me personally to remember who said what, in order to retain that “privacy” aspect.  Secrets have never been something I was comfortable with, and that kind of environment is too much adventure for me now.  Will I remember?  Will I properly associate the information, so as not to interfere with someone’s privacy?  What happens if I mess up?  I tossed and turned last night, wrestling with this problem.  Am I going to violate someone’s confidences because I don’t remember to whom that piece of information belongs, and that it belongs in the “private” category?  NO!!  The consequences are too great for my comfort.

Last year I told my family to leave me out of secrets.  Sooner or later this frontal-lobe filter will fail; that is an accepted part of this path and almost inevitable.  What spills out is controllable only by what gets put into the “do not say” folder for that part of my brain.

The one side of brain holds terms I am having great difficulty accessing because the vocabulary seems to be disappearing, causing my speech to become ever-increasingly halted and full-of-effort.  The other side, which lasts almost until the time of death, holds rhythm, music, songs, … and things I am not supposed to say.  I need to fill it to the brim with music and songs, and make sure the minimum amount of “secrets” are enclosed.

So it is not that I do not enjoy time spent with friends I have developed in these groups.  It is not that I do not value their friendship, I just cannot afford extra stress from the “privacy” aspect of group.  Please feel free to contact me; we can talk about nearly anything (except politics) but if you don’t want me to spill the beans, don’t put them in the pot.

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2 thoughts on “Privacy, Secrets, and My Dementia Symptoms

  1. Gosh Truthful, your writing just gets better and better. I know you are having difficulty with verbal vocabulary, but keep writing for as long as you can.

    As for secrets – goodness you always manage to put these things into words that I can identify with, and I am sure many other people too. I never get involved in secrets or the like because – a) I usually have no idea who is doing what, and my memory is not good for following what’s going on, b) I don’t care, life is too short and I am grateful that I am able not to worry about it, and c) it is has never been in my nature to take sides.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Loss of Filter in Conversation | Truthful Loving Kindness

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