.Posting this now instead of Sunday, because i have it in front of me, and my current abilities are just too fragile to be sure i will remember HOW to do it later.

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Tru here. i have inflammation in mouth (canker sores) finger, both legs, and in ear. 
No UTI, but i am tied tighter than a clock, and i expect these have something to do with my emotions that are out-of-control.

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My drive for providing kindness must have driven over to someone else’s house to park,
because i do not FEEL loving or kind. 
When asked to help, my first thought is to throw the item in their face, instead of “helping”.

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i am fed up with words;

words from folks whom i cannot understand (which is almost everyone)
and words that i cannot find, for what i want to say in reply.
i am past asking “please” … just DONT ask me to deal with verbal communication! 
dont dont DONT do it !!!

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NO, do not ask me to understand what you are trying to tell me “just one last time”;
i dont understand the sentences.
i dont understand the concept, and then you go trying to explain, so throwing other stuff on top of concept that i already do not understand !  
NO; do not use another illustration and expect me to co-relate two different things;
that requires keeping something in memory in order to compare it ,
… and it just “aint” happenin’ today !

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i am not stupid, but i feel like i must be stupid,
because i cannot understand others,
… and they cannot understand me
(because i cannot talk in a straight line — it goes round and round in order to say the simplest thing). 
i cant do ANYTHING right.

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i love you and even now i want to please you. 
You are hurting and (like You) i want to make it “better”.

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i realize that i need to calm,
but No; i dont need to talk to other people. 
WORDS are emphatically the LAST thing i would like right now.

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Since my tremors prevent use of sharp instruments (so i cannot cut kindling into tiny itsy-bitsy pieces) then
today i need to vent my feelings by writing, or maybe slamming several crayons all over a piece of index cardstock.
AFTER self-expression then maybe i can just curl up in a ball with my dog, or play with my “Silk” app and the soft calming music while i doodle.  >> https://truthfulkindness.com/about/life-other/arts-crafts/apps/silk/ . 

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If i had any energy at all, i would think about arranging some kind of “full-body punching-bag” like my dad had. 
… just something to PUNCH !!! 
((But unfortunately it would be likely to bounce right back, and knock me flat on my behind.)) LOL

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… However …  Today might be one of those days that YOU (as my care-partner) really NEED words. 
You might really need to be able to talk with someone who has some communication skills and some memory skills;
especially someone who might understand the family dynamics of today.

I’m sorry that i am being such a grump.

i DO love you,
and wish that i could do and be better for YOU. 
… but right now this is the best i can be.

.

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Next Day: Looking at sink but cannot find my wash cloth … oh look, it is rightt here. 
That’s where it belongs, so why couldnt i find it? 
Looking at mug and wanting drink, but cannot remember what i do in order to get my mug full.
… ugggh; gonna be a long day.

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LINKS:

Communication Part 1 of 3
by Truthful Kindness (Factors of Environment, Content, and Timing) at https://truthfulkindness.com/2014/12/12/verbal-comprehension-strategies-1/ ;

Christine Thelker re inflammation posted 05Apr2021 at https://chrissysjourney.com/2021/04/05/please-please-just-stop/ .

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.* Admin issues: SHARE dementia awareness thru buttons below. Subscribe “FOLLOW” button is at the very bottom of the page, with “Category” Links, “Recent Posts” and “Archive”.  If you put your eMail address there you should get an eMail each time i write a blog entry.  Feel free to leave your thoughts in the form of comments, but please filter your comments with truthful loving kindness to all concerned. … *** …  If there is an advertisement below, I have no control over what is shown. My own full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My current diagnosis is still Mild Cognitive Impairment, but my neurologist said I am in a unique position for helping because I have “one foot in each door”.  Text Copyright © Truthful L. Kindness on 2Apr2021.  did not track timeinvested in either text or graphic.  Cover photo was by me on 30Mar2021.  Tags: alzheimers, anger, aphasia,  communication, dementia, frustration, infection, mood, person with dementia, PLwD, relationship, strategy, symptoms, words .

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