I don’t remember when I first understood this.

But I do remember the pattern.

Tru here. For twelve years, I called my Mom and my Grammy every morning at 9:00 a.m.

It wasn’t dramatic.
It wasn’t complicated.
It was just… steady.

A simple thread of continuity.

For my Grammy, who was living with dementia, that daily call became part of how she held the world together. Even in the last week before she died, she was talking about me.

Not as I was — but as a child.

And honestly… that still counts.

Because what remained was not accuracy.
What remained was connection.

---

What I did not fully understand then — but understand very clearly now —
is what those calls gave my mother.

She needed someone she could think with.

Someone who could follow a conversation past two minutes.
Someone who could remember what she had just said.
Someone who could build an idea together, instead of starting over again and again.

She needed relief from being the only “intact mind” in the room.

---

Now I see this from the other side.

Care partners carry an invisible cognitive load.

They translate.
They track.
They compensate.
They hold continuity when the person they love no longer can.

And they do it for hours.
Days.
Years.

Without a break.

---

So this is something small.

But it is not small.

If you are a daughter, a son, a friend —

Call the care partner.

Not just to check in.
Not just to ask how things are going.

But to be someone who can think with them.

Be someone who:

• remembers what they said five minutes ago
• can follow a layered conversation
• can laugh about something that requires context
• can hold a thread all the way through

Give them a place where their mind does not have to carry everything alone.

---

Recently, I asked daughters to call my husband regularly.

Not because something is wrong.

But because something is needed.

What I gave my mother for twelve years,
I now understand as a gift.

Not to the person with dementia.

But to the one standing beside them.

---

Continuity matters.

But so does companionship at full cognitive depth.

And sometimes, the most meaningful support
is simply a phone call
that doesn’t require translation.

---

2016 Photo of me talking to Mom on the phone.

---

* Admin Notes — Began this entry 12Apr2026 and finished 2026Nov11. The subscription box is now located at the bottom of each blog entry. My full legal name is Truthful Loving Kindness. My formal diagnosis has remained at the stage of Mild Cognitive Impairment, although my Primary Care Physician and several other medical professionals consider it some form of dementia; my PCP records currently state “Dementia without behavioral disturbance, unspecified dementia type.” My September 2026 MRI showed no acute infarct or intracranial hemorrhage, with mild chronic white matter changes. In recent years, my PCP, my husband/care-partner, and I have jointly decided to discontinue specialist consultations, as the distance and emotional strain of repeated evaluations are not worth the cost to my well-being. My symptoms most closely resemble Lewy Body and vascular dementia patterns; however, previous SPECT and PET imaging showed the most significant brain changes in the temporal lobes, creating overlap with the logopenic variant of Primary Progressive Aphasia (PPA). Nothing in this blog is meant as medical, legal, or service dog advice; what I share here comes from lived experience—an attempt to design around decline and make daily life more workable—so please use your own judgment and consult professionals who understand your specific situation. Text Copyright © Truthful L. Kindness, 2026Nov11. You can learn more about me under the “About Me” tab (note: that page is due for updating). Comments are welcome—please filter them through truthful loving kindness toward all concerned. As of 2026, I use ChatGPT as an editor, which improves readability and reduces the time I spend in the writing process. I do not mind re-posting of my work; however, if you do re-post, you must clearly indicate that the writing is not your own, prominently identify my authorship as Truthful Kindness, and include a clear link to my website so that questions and comments can be directed to me personally at http://www.truthfulkindness.com.

*** categ: important, communication, Jrnl, relationships; *** tags: communication, dementia, person living with dementia, PLwD, relationship, strategy. *** S&S Categ: carePartnering, communication, relationship.