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2026 UPDATE

Seven years have passed since I first wrote this.

To my surprise, “Context of Appearance” has remained one of the most-read pages on my blog.

That tells me many families experience this same challenge, even if they have never heard anyone explain it.

Thank you to every family member, friend, and care partner who has invested the time and energy in learning more about the situation, then finding strategies.

Those strategies can preserve relationships far longer than many people imagine.

One thing I hope readers remember is this:

Not recognizing your appearance does not mean I have stopped loving you.

Sometimes my brain simply needs more pieces of the puzzle.

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Tru here.
How many teachers have reiterated the importance of context context CONTEXT ?

But since almost 20 years ago i am constantly losing context;
Losing the context of time.
Losing the context of placement or location.
Losing the context of words.

… and losing the context of appearance
(because i expect to see you the way you looked when i was younger).

There is a strange car in the driveway.

i know what our car looks like,
because we bought it just before we married.
We have two matching big blue vans,
and the car now in the driveway is not ours !

i have misplaced the newer context of what i see
… and i dont know where to find it.

.

Because i have dealt with this symptom for years now,
i know that i will not recognize any cars in driveway … and that is okay.
i know i will not recognize my husband in the morning … and that is okay.
i know that person in the mirror does not look like me … and that is okay.

.

if i do not recognize the way you look today,
that does not mean you as a person are not important to me.
For me, I still recognize the sound of your voice.
.
For 20years (before my brain began decline)
you almost always wore a State Parks uniform and hat.
You are now retired and no longer wear a uniform to work.
Your hair and beard are now white.
And we live in a different house.
…
But
You discovered green pants were needed.
You found and bought green pants
And sometimes i need a hat covering your head
in order for me to recognize the way you look.

… and that is okay.
because you are VERY important in my life !!!

.
THANK you for investing the time and energy in
Learning more about the situation,
then finding strategies
so that i can continue to recognize you,
my husband.

***

 

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What I understand now

When I wrote this in 2019, I thought this was mostly about faces.

Now I realize it is much larger than that.

My brain stores people inside an entire collection of clues:

• where I expect to see them
• how they usually dress
• their hairstyle
• their voice
• how they move
• the season of life I still remember them in

If several of those clues change at once, my brain may no longer connect today’s person with the person I already know.

That does not erase the relationship.

It simply means my brain needs more pieces of the puzzle.

Sometimes all it takes is hearing your voice.

Sometimes a familiar hat.

Sometimes green pants.

Sometimes simply giving me a little extra time.

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Associated LINKS on my own Blogsite:

My personal Facebook profile is under the name “Truthful Kindness,” and you can find more about me on this blog under the “About” tab (although that page was posted long ago and also needs updating). >> https://truthfulkindness.com/about/about-me/ .

Are You my Husband? at https://truthfulkindness.com/2016/08/09/are-you-my-husband/ ;

About Visits at https://truthfulkindness.com/2021/04/11/about-visits/ ;

Hold my Hand and Anchor Me at https://truthfulkindness.com/2014/11/07/hold-hand-anchor-me/ ;

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Contact Options:

Other contact options are FaceBook and “X” (aka Twitter), both under “Truthful Kindness”. On Reddit, i am at “TruthfulKindness” in groups “r/dementia”, “r/lewybodydementia”, and “r/alzheimers”. i dropped my LinkedIn membership quite a few years ago. If requesting “friend” status for any form of Social media, please send a private message explaining that you are a reader of my blog. …

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* Admin Notes — This entry began … and is by Truthful Loving Kindness (my full legal name) for https://truthfulkindness.com/. For comments or questions, please use that website. The subscription box is now located at the bottom of each blog entry. i also write and publish under the shorter name Truthful Kindness. My current formal diagnosis remains at the stage of Mild Cognitive Impairment, although my Primary Care Physician and several other medical professionals consider it some form of dementia; my PCP records currently state “Dementia without behavioral disturbance, unspecified dementia type.” In recent years, my PCP, my husband/care-partner, and I have jointly decided to discontinue specialist consultations, as the distance and emotional strain of repeated evaluations are not worth the cost to my well-being. My symptoms most closely resemble Lewy Body and vascular dementia patterns; however, SPECT and PET imaging show the most significant brain changes in the temporal lobes, creating overlap with the logopenic variant of Primary Progressive Aphasia (PPA), a subtype within the frontotemporal dementia spectrum. Nothing in this blog is meant as medical, legal, or service dog advice; what I share here comes from lived experience—an attempt to design around decline and make daily life more workable—so please use your own judgment and consult professionals who understand your specific situation. Text Copyright © Truthful L. Kindness, 2019May17 with 2026Aug07 revision. You can learn more about me under the “About Me” tab (note: that page is due for updating). Comments are welcome—please filter them through truthful loving kindness toward all concerned. As of 2026, I use ChatGPT as an editor, which improves readability and reduces the time I spend in the writing process. I do not mind re-posting of my work; however, if you do re-post, you must clearly indicate that the writing is not your own, prominently identify my authorship as Truthful Kindness, and include a clear link to my website so that questions and comments can be directed to me personally: at http://www.truthfulkindness.com.

*** tags: dementia, family, Living with Dementia, memory, PLwD, recognizing family, relationship, symptoms. *** Add to Pgs/ *** S&S Categ: Memory, Relationship, identity.