I realize this is just beginning stages and no sense in wasting too much time for focus of loss.
But also important to recognize loss, and endure the grief process, in order to best appreciate the time remaining.
Today has been one of those days. … Losing every enjoyed activity and losing memory of every loved one – in excruciating increments.
Now that I have experienced the fragmenting effects of dementia symptoms for myself, I have discovered the GROUNDING and steadying effect from physical touch in that unsteady, fragile, edge-of-the-cliff world. I very much wish I had known this when my maternal grandmothers were walking this path. … (prose attached)
“What is your hope?” “What gives you ability to keep on keeping on, despite knowing what the future holds?” … (( My personal motivation statement ))
Sooner or later this frontal-lobe filter will fail; that is an accepted part of this path and almost inevitable. … It is not that I do not enjoy time spent with friends I have developed in these groups. It is not that I do not value their friendship, I just cannot afford extra stress from the “privacy” aspect of group. … if you don’t want me to spill the beans, don’t put them in the pot.
compensatory tools no longer working for me …
Clarity of Thought: “I am not stupid, but at this rate my bits of brilliant insight will be scattered across space … like the sparkling milky way.” — TLK
I am not stupid but my thought process is definitely distorted and causes problems with my decision-maker. … the problem is that these are symptomatic of my decision-making process and I never know when it will become dangerous.
Reality has rotated; “Consensus” reality (recognized by other persons in my everyday environment) has stepped back and feels more distant — displaced somehow by vivid, ultra-realistic dream reality. … My night-time life is scary but rewarding … and exhausting. My life is very exhausting.
Tru here. Edmonton Journal Link to article of August 20, 2014: Dead at noon: B.C. woman ends her life rather than suffer indignity of dementia (with video). I have heard talk that in many countries suicide will be EXPECTED for those with disabilities (especially dementia) in the future, exactly because of the reasons Gillian discusses […]
… Since I learned from those who went before me and led the way, …
